i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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