Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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