I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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