I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
