the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
