theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
