there's paper in my vomit.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
