Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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