You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
