So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
