whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
