three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
