He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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