Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
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