Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
