My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
