im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
