i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
