i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you had me at cake vodka
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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