I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
