It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
