i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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