i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
