Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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