3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He did a backflip because drugs
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
