My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
