lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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