Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
