My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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