nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Welp...herpes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
