Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't put those talents on a resume
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Randomize
