I just found puke in my bra..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
