in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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