I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
