i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you never un-have a 4some
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
