Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
