oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
