Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
