Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
