Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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