I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
