i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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