I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
