He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
