the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
