Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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