My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
