I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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