So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
