3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
