dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
